Annyeong Haseo
제 이야기에 따르면 가장 슬픈 크리스마스는 2 년 전 캠프 3 일째 바로 캠핑을 갔어요, 집에 돌아와서 2 시간을 잤다. 캠프에서 너무 피곤해서 잤다가 깨어 났을 때 크리스마스를 축하하기 위해 교회에 가야했다 당연히 행복했지만 그 당시 캠핑을 마치고 피곤해서 기분이 안 좋아서 슬펐어요 그리고 교회에서 친구들이 나에게 말하라고하지 않았을 때, 나는 사진을 찍은 후 곧바로 집으로 가서 슬퍼했습니다.
아무도 나를 신경 쓰지 않는다고 느꼈기 때문에
Love,vm
Army From Indonesia

2018년 이후에는 즐거웠던 기억이 없지만 2020년 12월 25일, 최고로 우울했던 크리스마스

가족 친구 모두와 관계를 끊고 혼자가 되었어요
어두운 방 안에서 말 걸어주는 사람 하나 없이 승산도 없는 혼자서의 싸움을 계속했어요

꿈도 희망도 없는 상태에서 정신병에 점점 지쳐가고 온 세상이 흑백으로만 보였어요
차라리 몸이 아프지만 주위에 믿을만한 사람이 많기를 바랐어요
하지만 현실은 너무 아프고 나마저도 버린 내가 이대로 살아도 될련지, 창 밖의 사람들은 각자 저마다의 방식으로 가족, 친구, 연인들과 즐겁게 크리스마스를 보내는데 나만 왜 이러는지 너무 화가 나고 우울했어요

결국 아무것도 안 하고 울 기력도 없어진 채로 무기력한 하루를 보냈어요
물론 지금도 정신이 온전하지는 않아요 그래도 조금은 나아졌다는 것에 자그마한 희망은 생겼어요

슈가님은 2013년, 현재, 그리고 미래까지 항상 행복한 날만 가득하기를 바랄게요 저를 행복하게 해준 사람은 꼭 좋은 일만 생기기를, 언제나 고마워요!

안녕하세요 슈가씨
2013년 슈가님이 질문한 글을 2021년이 되서야 답하네요.
크리스마스를 즐겁게 보낸 기억이 거의 없는데
최근 방탄소년단을 알게되며 많은 위안을 받고있어요:)
올해의 크리스마스는 아마 조금더 단단한 마음으로 지내지않을까싶어요. 2021의 슈가님도 행복한 크리스마스를 보내는 1년을 보내시길 바랍니다.

Durante mis 26 años nunca he celebrado Navidad, creo que el hecho de no celebrarlo ayuda a no deprimirse si es que la estás pasando mal, porque la he pasado mal, en fin, estamos en Mayo, estoy mal y es como cualquier época del año.

Привет

I apologize for trying to figure out the site, and with the desire to write, I accidentally sent one word and in my language, I love you! sorry☺😮🙏

I love you ❤️❤️

Será que esto funciona a hoy 2021? Existen personas que manejen este blog? Si es así, quiero una señal.

흠… 크리스마스든 명절이든 큰 의미를 두지 않으니 특별히 우울할 일도 없더라고요. 그런데 생전 관심도 없던 연말 시상식을 작년부터 챙겨보기 시작하면서 겨울이 더 분주하고 신나게 느껴집니다~^^. 인생이 너무 단순한가…?

Semangat Suga, 💜

My letter to BTS and Army 💜:

My anxiety is growing, I feel alone and empty, you are my only safe place, I want a magic door where I can enter and appear in my happy place, I want to stop feeling bad and sad, I want to stop feeling so alone, you They help a lot, but my anxiety and depression grow and I sometimes don't know what to do, I love my life, I love what I am, but I don't want to continue feeling like that, you are my shield, listen to music and write, you help me but feel so alone, want go through so many kilometers to receive a true hug, want to hear words of encouragement and want to climb the mountain and shout to the wind how empty I feel and how lonely I am, everything is becoming gris and opaque, sometimes I would like to know why it touched me see them but not be able to feel them, because I feel so bad and at the same time I want to feel good,

Rm: I love myself a lot, but I don't want to be alone

Jin: I feel like a goddess, but I want someone else to say so

Sugar: I love music, but I want to stop listening to it just because I want to calm my anxiety

J-hope: I love to smile and I love to have fun, but I want the clouds that cover me to disappear

Jimin: I want to keep dancing and being cute, but I'm tired of being hurt

Tae: I love being different and unique, but I feel like I don't fit in anywhere, I feel lonely

Jungkook: I want to keep dreaming and thinking that I can do everything, but growing up and seeing that my dreams are broken and that my burdens grow, makes me want to not grow anymore

I just want to be able to have a little more peace and quiet, to be able to learn to control my anxiety and depression, but I feel like I struggle and struggle, and it didn't get anywhere, BTS loved them, loved them so much, I want to stop feeling like that.

나는 늦게 왔다. 진작에 여기 왔어야 했는데..

Feliz día al cumpleañero

21년10월에 보고있음 왜 병원 입원했는지 궁금함

잘지냈으면 좋겠어 항상고마워

와 이런것도 햇엇구나 ㅎㅎㅎ슈가야 너무너무 사랑해

I'm not sure if anyone is even looking at the comments of a post from 2013... But, I kinda feel like I need to unburden a little today...

I've been thinking about something that happened in 2010, which I didn't really think about too much after it happened... But somehow, in the past few months, I've been thinking about it...

I was around 15 then... My grandpa had died at that time... I wasn't particularly close to him, barely saw him for 2 weeks every year during vacation... Even though my family says he fostered the love of English language in me, I don't remember loving him... In fact, I remember being indifferent when my dad broke the news of his death... I was more worried about why I didn't feel anything, when he's my family... Although I worked through all that, it's the events following that which I've been thinking about recently...

Mom wasn't able to attend his funeral due to certain reasons, and she didn't get to have a closure... So, for months afterwards, she would be on the phone, with her mom, or brother or sister, just mourning, grieving... This was before the 3G network time, and I would be 5 feet away, playing on the computer.... I would listen to her grief, to her sobs, and I couldn't do a damn thing about it. Even though that was the first death I experienced in the family, even though I didn't particularly feel anything for my grandpa, it broke my heart hearing my mom cry like that. Even then, I knew mourning was a process and there was nothing I could do to help except be there... Once, just once, I abandoned my game to go comfort her, and trust me when I say I have never seen her put on a mask so fast and go away... I never attempted that again... Maybe it was a mother's instinct, not wanting to cry in front of her daughter, maybe because I was a typical selfish teenager, for whatever reason, she didn't want to be vulnerable in front of me... So if the only comfort I could give her was my indifference, that's what I did... I kept my eyes on the screen and my hand moving the mouse while my ears were filled with nothing but the sound of her sobs...

It's been 11 years, and I have never felt as helpless as I did then... I've had my heart broken, my trust shattered, my determination exhausted, yet that feeling of helplessness as I sat lees than 5 feet (or perhaps a light year) away from my mother, nothing has compared to that...

I think it took about a year before mom was able to move forward... And I haven't thought about those times after that.. Until recently... Until now... I wish I could say it was covid, or my job, or my relationships, or my friends... I wish I knew what it was that's caused me to look back to that time... I don't feel that helplessness, yet I feel that it's not that far away, unless I do something... The only question, what?